Easy.

I know somehow this has to be worth it...that this is some sort of test that I was made to overcome. That we were made to overcome...

You walk away so easily sometimes and I am left to wonder whether it is because I'm easy to walk away from or whether you're just so frustrated with how this has gone on that you just need to leave. You have put up with a lot and I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it...

I just know how hard this is/has been and i stop and wonder whether or we deserve the arguments and fights, and whether or not they would end if I could just pretend that I'm okay. I know it's so easy to fix all this but I don't want to put a band-aid over it... I want to be okay. I don't want to pretend I'm okay...

You see, I'm used to things unanticipated. We've been together for over four years now...and it scares me to think that one second everything is fine, but when I need you and when i'm reaching out for you, you turn on me. I'm used to having the whole package and then being completely terrified when what I signed up for isn't what I get...i don't want us to be that way. I want to believe this isn't how you are, and it's foolish of me to think this way because we have been together for years... but I feel like you've turned your back on me.

God i'm scared but for some reason, i feel this is making me stronger. There is a reason I'm doing this to myself and a reason that this is happening to me...and I believe it can only get better. That said, I cannot think of one logical reason why you have been put through this too. Fuck. That's what rips me apart.

I feel like i need to disappear from the world for a while because I just can't stand to put you through this any longer... I just mean in this situation right now, maybe i just need a fresh outlook to figure out how everything is going to be. But on the other hand, maybe I dont. Maybe I need to take this head-on and just tell you how depressed I am. I don't trust that you will take me seriously because for the past few months, you assume there is someone else. I must suffer for every other girl who has cheated on you... yet i'm the only one who has been faithful and loved you with all I had...


I can't ask him to understand how difficult this moment in my life is for me, and in comparison to how relatively easy I have had it in other areas, but I truly hope he can at least appreciate where I am coming from and how hard it has been to realize I have not been who I truly am. I keep thinking...god if he only knew how much this is not me. Why can I write this here but not crawl into bed and spill this to him? When it happens, he will be blown off his feet. But when will it fucking happen? Get off your ass. Figure this shit out. Grow the fuck up Laura...

I just wanted that perfect fairytale and we're letting it slip away...


I just told you I love you... and you answered with "I don't believe you"


Well, I love you James.